What do I do now?

SO I have been home for a little over a week....and I don't know what to do. I an not helping people all of the time now. I feel a little lost, but I know something will work out...I just have to keep at it. So I have been job searching, which has been going badly...who wants to hire a girl that has been in Africa for 6 months but has little schooling? I get really kinda annoyed that School is so important...but I understand why it is important...but I just learned things you could never learn in school...I mean I am going to school in the Fall...and I am kinda, a little excited about that...but I am more of a life learner...I always have been, I have never really been good at school....so it is frustrating...but I am still trying and I am still looking! I will find something so I CAN go to school this fall...If I do my best, Heavenly Father will help!

Don't Do It!

Ok...now that I am home I wanted to post something about the Organization that I was a part of...I promised my mom and my best friend that I would do this...to maybe help prevent some other people going through what I did...but before I start I want to say that I had a really amazing experience in Zambia...it was super hard but worth it...I wanted to go to Africa and I wanted to work with Kids/Teens and I did that, so I was able to accomplish what I set out to do. Ok so the Organization that I went through is called Humana People to people, or in Zambia it is called Development Aide People to People. And most of the "leaders" of this group are also part of this thing called Teachers Group. It started in the 1970's (I think)...or somewhere around there. They got together and started working to get rid of Apartheid in South Africa. And when that was abolished in 1994, they started to work with other projects. So it started out with the best intentions I guess, but now all that I saw from it was corruption and huge problems. The project I was in was called TCE or Total Control of the Epidemic. It worked with HIV and AIDS education and prevention. I worked mostly with what was called Field Officers. They are employed by the project, to out into the community, to educate them, test them for HIV, set up support groups, organize community activities, work with orphans, and so on. The problem is not the field officers, they work so hard to work with the people in the community, but they get no support from the management, or the project. They get funding from CDC, UNICEF, and other huge organizations, but I never knew where that money went to. It didn't go to the people that needed it or for the purpose it was given. The 2nd to last month I was there UNICEF gave them $200,000 for Prevention of Mother to Child Transmission of HIV....Did the pregnant mother support group that they UNICEF man saw get any of that money? Oh no! I really have no idea where that money went to.
Ok so some of you might not know that I had to do "training" before I went to Zambia. I went and was "trained" for 6 months in Massachusetts at a place called IICD or The Institute for International Cooperation and Development. But the "training" was really just fundraising for the project. Now I thought the fundraising money went to the project I was going to...I mean that would make sense right...well I never saw any of the money I fund raised...which was $6000. I paid $4000 tuition and that paid for my plane ticket and my weekly "allowance". So the "headmaster" of the "school". Didn't care that I was there and all she really cared about was getting more students so they could have more money.....Oh Oh Oh...I forgot to mention that the fundraising we did was illegal. Most of the students are not from the USA and are here on Tourism Visas or Visitor Visas, Ha! So they should not be dealing with "making money" at all! Not only were they fundraising but they were working in a clothes collection project and promotion, getting more people to join the project...and getting paid for both of those jobs...Can I say ILLEGAL! Also we didn't really have permits or permission to fund raise in the places we went to...so bad bad bad. They also lied about pretty much everything they told me when they were promoting the project to me.....
Anyway, when I finally got to Zambia, I was pumped to get to work...but there was nothing for me to do....they wanted me to be the sectary, type things for them and take pictures...Not what I went there to do. So I found something myself to do. I went and taught in schools. But not having anything to do was a common thing...all of my 12 team mates had the same problem and 6 other people I talked to in Zambia. Most people quit before the 6 months because there is NOTHING FOR THEM TO DO. One girl got to her project and her project leader told her to leave because she did not want her there. Bad, bad, bad. Mean people that did not care or even notice that I was there for 6 months....So I say of all people who want to got to Africa and Volunteer....Don't do what I did. Find some other way to go! I think everyone needs to spend sometime in a 3rd world country. It really makes you grateful for all of the many blessings you have! I loved my time there but it would have been so so so much better if I went through a different organization.

Oh that I were an angel

"Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart.....that here might not be more sorrow upon all the face of the earth. But behold, I am a (wo)man."

Oh I wish this! I wish there could be no more sorrow on the earth. It is too much, too much sorrow, to much suffering, too much sadness, too much pain, for people who do not deserve it. I wish I could take it all away. Give happiness and joy, love and charity. But I am but one person and can only do so much. Oh that I were an angel! But "perhaps I may be an instrument in the hands of God....and this is my joy."






100 points if you can guess the reference...not the normal 10 for guessing my ringback, this is big! :)

Livingstone, Victoria Falls

Here is the link to my facebook...these are my latest pictures from Victoria Falls....http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2021155&id=1435457137&l=bfc6d026af

It was AMAZING! So much water...it was like I was drowning...you couldn't even see the Falls for the most part because it was obscured by all of the mist coming off of the Falls....I loved it...I got a poncho, but still got soaked through :)

Childhood

So Friday, Saturday, Sunday and today have been a "holiday"...it probably has something to do with Easter...but I has no idea...anyway so I have had nothing to do...but I have noticed that "holidays" here are only for people who have money. Those who have to work so hard everyday for a little bit of money never take a break...it has made me sad. They never get a break, they never have anything to look forward too, nothing to get excited about. Again this made so thankful for where I was born.
So I have done a post on the women here and on the nasty men....let me tell you a bit about the children. I think this is the thing that has been the hardest for me while I have been here...as most people who know me, know I love love love little kids...I love the things they can come up with, their imagination, their energy, their smiles and laughs...and I love the kids here...but there is something so different about them. They laugh and play and get dirty like any other kids...but there are things missing and I think I have finally figured it out. Childhood. Hope. Imagination. There are lots of kids here but very little childhood. They are so marred and downtrodden by things that kids should never have to worry about. They is very little hope for something better. Most of these kids will not get a proper education if they get an education at all. They have nothing to hope, no "what are you going to be when you grow up". Most of them will never leave their country or even go past the surrounding towns. There is nothing to dream about and very little to hope for. The last thing that is missing is imagination. It is hard to imagine things when you have the grim reality always pressing down on you. There are very little books, so no escape to far off places and marvelous adventures. It makes me cry even to think about it...like I said it has been the hardest thing for me here...I want to take them all away, to have the life every child should have. No cares, no worries. Just crazy adventures everyday, things to hope and dream for. Childhood.

3 saturdays after today

So I am down to my last month! So so so exciting! I just thought I would post a picture....and a funny story...ok not really a story...I don't know what it is but it is funny...but kinda sad...ok anyway here it is ...so yesterday I was walking back from shopping with HyeJin, the other volunteer that is with me, and the sun was shining and I was wearing shorts...kinda...so she was behind me...and she happened to notice how white my legs are...I had told her that I was the Queen...champion of white leg contests...but that I thought I was getting a little bit tan here...so this morning she told me just how wrong I was...this is what she said, "I saw your legs and they were sparkling, shiny they were so white....and I thought to myself, is that a skin color?" So I am still white, albino even...so funny and sad...I thought you might like it :)

So this is like the one person at the office that I like and get along with...she is the cook, cleaning woman...her name is Maureen...she is super sweet.

The men I meet....Ugh

Ok so I have to vent....so you know a bit back I did a post about the women who sit on the street selling corn or banana or whatever, trying to earn what little money they can. After my Mom read it she asked a very poi net question...Where are the men? Well let me tell you...they are loitering on the streets, harassing me. Seriously I can not go one day without 10 men calling me "Momma, Sweetie" and what ever else...it is disgusting. Today...less than one minute out of my house I had a man stop and say, "Hi Momma, how are you? I love you. I want to marry you." Right outside the house where I am staying there is a bus station...and all day long there are men there doing nothing....sitting, standing, talking, playing soccer...all day long. And then just down the road there is a bar and you can find drunken men at all hours of the day...like the man this morning...it was just past 8am and he was drunk...completely....They are the most vial repulsive men. I have met some really nice good people but my whole experience here has been tainted by these men...they do nothing all day, get drunk and harass women.
Ok I am done venting...I just can't wait till I get home to nice Mormon boys who treat women as more than tools to get some. I love you all and will see you soon!