Christmas....

SO this was the worst Christmas in the history of the world….well at least my life…..Christmas eve was nice even though we had to cook all of the food….that only insured that it was good food that we would eat….but Christmas Day that is another story….so when we got back from dinner, Christmas Eve, we found that our bathroom was flooded….that was fun, but being too tired we decided to take care of it in the morning and went to bed….I woke up to the sound of running water….and I found the reason the bathroom was flooded…the tap had been left on….so I turned it off and got the broom and started to sweep out all of the water, there was about two inches….then I took a bath, made breakfast….the morning went on like any other day….So Jabez, our Project Leader, had invited us for church…the taxi came and picked us up around 10 and we proceeded to Jabez’s house and then to church….so we get to the church and I am a little wary but also a little excited to see what the service will be like….the choir is singing and dancing and we get front row seats…..they have a guy playing the key board, mixing and what not….a little weird and super loud but ok….the preacher gets up and says he is going to talk about the origin of Christmas and he asks three members of the congregation to come and tell what Christmas means to them….it is all really gospel-ie, with all of the Amen’s, Praise: God, Savior Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and Halleluiah’s you can imagine, or more. So the Preacher, Father, Pastor….whatever he is called goes on and on about where Christmas came from and all of the legends….getting more and more animated….then the choir comes back up and starts to sing again….they start to wail and crying to holy Jesus to save them…waving their hands and covering their faces….and I take a good look around and it is like they are all pretending….it reminded me of some scriptures…I have no ideas where they are but to ones about “weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth” also “making a mockery of God” ….and the pastor takes the mic and starts call up people who have problems in the home so he can pray with them….so a few people come up and he grabs hold of them and starts shaking them and screaming….them people who feel unloved came up….and the pastor and woman did the same thing….shook them and screamed…and one woman was bawling and another woman “fainted”…..It was all so fake and all so horrible….it made me feel so dark and dirty, but also so happy that I have the truth! Later Mich and I were talking and crying…and she, who does not believe in religion, but believes in God, commented that she thought it was rude to God, what they were doing….Awful, Awful…..Jabez asked how we liked it and all I could say was….it was loud. He also invited me to go with him if I couldn’t make it to Lusaka to go to Church on Sundays….I politely told him no. After Church we went to Jabez’s house for Linner….Lunch/Dinner……it was….not so good….and there were a million flies everywhere! But after we ate he put on CNN so that I could be informed about what was going on in the US….but instead of the News there was an award show….CNN’s Heroes of the Year. I sat there watching these amazing people do incredible things to help others, and I felt so horrible….like a failure. I am here, wanting to do something good but I have felt like I have done nothing, Nothing! I want to help, I want to serve….but I feel like a failure. One the drive to church there was this tiny boy half naked standing in a heap of garbage….and no one cared….how can I help him? What can I do? I am a failure and I am letting everyone one down…..so Mich and I went back to our house and sat and cried for hours…resolved to start something outside of the project, our own program, teaching children….then ate peanut butter sandwiches….so that was my African Christmas! I hope yours was amazing and you got everything you wanted! I love you all so much!